Grief & Loss

Are you at a loss?

Today has been a difficult day. I feel like I am lost. I am especially at a loss for words to express the depth of the pain and sadness I am feeling without my wife, Sarah. She seems so tangible and real, here just a few months ago, healthy and strong, and now, she is suddenly gone. Will I ever see her again?

Memories don’t fade, but this is small comfort.

It all seems so impossible and unreal. I keep expecting her to turn up at any moment. The sight of her chair, the aroma of her delicious cookies that seems to fill every room, the variety of smells throughout the house; they all bring her back afresh. There is some comfort in that, but then I am crushed by the weight that she is forever gone.

Life is just one slow-moving disruption.

I cannot sleep well. I toss and turn, as I miss her desperately. I don’t seem to be able to get much done these days. Life feels like it is in slow motion. More than anything else, I just wish that I could see Sarah again, hear her voice, hold her in my arms, and talk to her.

Life seems to be covered in fog.

I cannot seem to clear my head. I feel like I live in a never-ending cloud, a fog that is relentless. I cannot see my way forward. I do not know how to move much less which way to go. Decision making is impossible. Do I sell our home? What am I to do with the accumulated years of stuff that seemed so unimportant in the past but now feels like precious treasure?

Life is confusing and filled with despair.

I try to go out and exercise, but I lack the motivation just to get out of bed. Friends seem distant, and I have little patience with them. They push and prod me, saying I should be better by now. Is something wrong with me? Am I doomed to be forever sad and locked in this state of despair?

Is God present in all of this?

I have no idea where God is in this anymore. Does He care? Why did He allow this to happen now? Sarah was still relatively young. She had many good years ahead of her. The pain is so great that I doubt God still cares. I don’t know. Perhaps He doesn’t even exist. How could He take the most precious person to me in this life, and why now, in this sudden and unexpected way?

I don’t need any more change?

My friends say, “Get out; let’s go do something.” Are they kidding? All I want to do is crawl up into a little ball and sleep. They are no comfort to me at all. Nothing seems to excite me these days. I cannot begin to think about change of any kind. Sarah’s passing is absolutely enough change for one lifetime.

The clouds descend.

Work is hard. I cannot concentrate on what I am doing, though sometimes it proves to be a good distraction. All is gray and filled with clouds. I just wish it would all go away and Sarah could be back home, safely in my arms.

Sound familiar?

These are just a few of the myriad thoughts and feelings that rush headlong at us when we lose someone with whom we have been close. Grief is the price we pay for having loved someone well.

Sometimes, however, we have been in conflict with the person who passed away. There are unfinished conversations that were yet to be had, mixed feelings of love, and, yes, even anger. Perhaps you have experienced several losses during your lifetime. They can begin to pile up and create a multiplied sense of grief, loss, and sadness.

Grief is not insurmountable.

If you have lost someone that you care deeply about, or perhaps even a very dear and precious pet, I can help! I will sit with you in your pain and help you find your voice to celebrate and to remember again.

You will find hope, real meaning, and purpose, as you give expression to your inward thoughts, emotions, and images that dwell within.

Understanding grief is the first step to overcoming the pain.

I will help you understand the “typical” course of grief, as you come to terms with what to expect and begin to understand what is “normal.”

Really, there is no such thing as “normal.” Perhaps “average” is a better description of grief.

Everyone grieves in unique ways over varied lengths of time.

So much depends upon who you are and the quality of the relationship you had with the person who is now gone.

Open expression of your thoughts and feelings eases the pain.

While there will never be a time prior to your passing that you do not grieve the loss of those whom you have known, the intensity of your pain will decrease drastically as you learn to give expression to your thoughts and feelings in a safe place.

You can find renewed hope and purpose in your life.

Whether you have lost someone you knew for many years or for a lesser time, I encourage you to be patient and gracious with yourself.

Give yourself time to heal and adjust in a safe and open place.